Surviving the Catholic Experience

Introduction Many Lords of the Earth campaigns have a player position in the Roman Catholic Papacy which, in the time period of interest, is a unique post. Such a position corresponds to a theocracy without much territory, but having great influence outside its actual state borders. Players in Europe (and the Middle East, if they know what's good for them) should become at least vaguely familiar with the history of the Pope as religious leader of Western Christendom. A good encyclopedia article will probably suffice. Note that this applies to the Papal player as well - lack of historical background is a common problem among them.

 Dr. Divinity, Or How I Stopped Worrying And Learned To Love The Pope.

Every Catholic player will initially have a well-founded fear of the Papacy. In a campaign with a good historical base, the Roman Catholic Church should have great power in every such player's country, and in fact should have the equivalent of a high-level infiltration of their populations, nobility, and government. Most of these will have monastic establishments, which supply income for the Papal player - and are usually seen as dens of iniquity and intrigue by Lords of the Earth players. The very idea of a fellow player having such influence within the borders of a nation usually sends such nations' players into apoplectic fits of paranoia and rage.
Usually this is the correct reaction.
In order to "Stopped Worrying" and "Love the Pope," these players need to have a game plan from said Pontiff. This can simply be a track record, or an elaborate set of rules on Church conduct. Without a good track record and/or such a Covenant with Catholic players, these players can be assured that the Papal player has the same impure thoughts, imperialistic goals, and lack of a strong moral code that typifies the successful Lords Of The Earth player. If it looks like this is indeed the case, players should take a firm but gentle approach with the Pope. Present a united front (give or take the truly paranoid) and let the Papal player know what is on your mind. If he or she starts Excommunicating players, calling Crusades, and generally showing signs of neuroses, find a new Pope (see below).
Now for the "Love" bit. Historically, the Papacy was more than the conservator of the ancient literary tradition and parasite upon the land. For the Church to have survived for centuries in the midst of cut-throats and ne'er-do-wells (read "nobility"), it must have provided some useful services.
Good Marxists (and Protestants) among you will immediately guess one service - oppressing the masses. A nation without a strong organized belief system under feudal or imperial conditions should (GMs take note) be much more prone to Dynastic Failure (DF) or encroachment by neighbors with stronger belief systems. There are also less well-defined benefits from having a constant and uniform framework for worship, which should in general be a calming influence - fewer revolts, better milk from contented cows, that sort of thing.
The Papacy can also be of use by loaning out Bureaucracy (BL) and Infrastructure (INFRA) points. Players need to be willing to accept such aid: as the Papacy already has great influence in their land, letting them in a bit more won't hurt, and you get something in return which can be of great value. Just ask any players who have tried to get their BL value from 14 to 15 just exactly what that is worth.
A well-organized Pope will also be in a position to rally aid to you in case of Infidel invasions, and can ameliorate other wars. Any Church worth having will give money, leaders, and even call Crusades when a Catholic nation is attacked by the Forces of Darkness, regardless of how the two players are getting on. For those players not in the front-lines in the battle against the Unbeliever, there are still political benefits. In case of DF, the original player can ask for aid from the Papacy, since that actual ruler will have been crowned by a bishop. The extra legitimacy accruing from a show of Church support should diminish the resources of an usurper. Of course, if said player has been mean to the Pontiff, support may not be forthcoming. If a Catholic nation is invaded by another, the Pope should be in there negotiating for a peace treaty, especially if the war lasts more than a few turns. Having the offices of an arbitrator available has proved useful in Lords Of The Earth campaign 0 (the real world); allowing the Pope to draw up an armistice for both sides to approve can provide real relief from nagging pain ...
All these are reasons for getting along with the Pope.

The Age Of Innocents

Given the above, what should be the roles, duties, and goals of the Catholic Church in Lords Of The Earth?
The first and most important task of the Pope is to promote the Church: it's a sales job. Leave to other players the joys of invasion, carnage, looting, and DFs. The Papacy is out to win souls, and in an open-ended game like Lords Of The Earth, one can choose goals other than being the largest military power. Indeed, a truly successful Pope will wield more real power than the biggest MSI nation on the globe - for a sample vision, imagine a player running a United Nations in Lords Of The Earth 0 which actually worked. Scary, eh?
However, just as the UN is not permitted to have any of its own territory, the Roman Catholic Church can not have any Lords Of The Earth provinces. Land is a great drawback in many respects:

• Most players want land. You have land. They will attempt to get it from you.
• If you have land, you will always be suspected of wanting more provinces.
• Looking at a map of Europe, other players will tend to see the Papacy as just another country to deal with.
• Land makes you vulnerable (see 1 and 2) to attack by the Forces of Darkness. When pressed, Unbelievers will see the Church as the source of problems (as they should if the Pope is doing his job), and will attempt to eliminate it militarily.

As Pope, you face a dilemma which can only be solved by a landless existence: if you have enough territory to defend yourself, you lose the trust of fellow players, and can not claim any special relationship with them vis-à-vis your power over their people; if you have a tiny non-threatening country, you play to the enemy's strengths, which are usually military, and so are vulnerable.
The solution is, as noted, to have no land whatever, and distribute your administration out of colleges, cathedrals, and monasteries.
When military power is required, the Pope must rely on other players. For historical reasons, I have always thought that the Germans and Byzantines should play the roles of Western and Eastern Empire, nations the Pope can turn to in time of trouble. Conversely, the Church should uphold them against all threats.

Being Pope For Fun And Profit

What follows are specific recommended actions and policies for the new Pope player.
Set the tithe at 5% and leave it there. Players will see no reduction in income, and if you press for more, they will resent it.
Build lots of monasteries, and distribute them widely. The main source of Church income is monastic, as it works like Public Works, and the Pope will have no trade partners.
Give the Papal State (lands) to the Holy Roman Empire. If they're so holy and Roman, let them worry about it. As noted above, land is your albatross.
Reconciliation with the Byzantines is a big priority. One way to get this is to let them keep the Patriarchy, but only as a "national church", which can be federated with the Catholic Church. Going farther, one can even create the "Catholic Orthodox Church", a useful move if you meet player resistance and need to give every player a national church.
While the Eastern and Western Empires will be the temporal arms of the Church, never let them have the legitimate power to choose the actual Pope. This is how schisms start. Schism is an old word, loosely translating as "DF Of The Gods". Considering that you are relinquishing temporal powers, they should agree to this. If not, go with the French and the Russians, the traditional geopolitical counters to Germans and to Asia Minor.
Slowly reform the Church from the inside. This will (GMs take note) reduce the chances of heresy in the countryside, while fast reform may create a schism - conservatives vs. liberals in the traditional sense. The same problems should occur to countries going from Feudal to Monarchic, but GMs don't usually want to bother with that.
Invest in your ability to perform missionary work, and use it early and often. If the Papacy is seen to be converting Pagans and Heathens, investing in universities, and generally performing good works, your credibility goes up.
Convert pagans with missionaries, and militarily convert Muslims and Buddhists. The former are much easier to convert, while the latter usually have the resources to hurt you if you don't convert them in a single turn.
Become an intel power. This is tricky, and will make players nervous, but it is the only way to keep an eye on heretics, malcontents in the Church, and to deal with Alamut. Similarly, you can lend more aid to the front-line players in their wars against the Infidel. Also, you will prevent players using the Church as an "intel conduit" to infiltrate their neighbors.
Keep an eye on the English. These players see themselves as special, apart from Europe, and they immediately want to create Victorian empires in the 11th century. You may need to Interdict them to keep them in line, but always go with the carrot before the stick. Once they slip away, the British will be difficult to retake.
The Spanish are your best friend. As was historically the case, Iberia is a good place to score points as "friend to the downtrodden". Give them leaders, money, and even Crusaders as needed. They will be grateful, and later can roll up the African coast, take on the English, and so on. If the Byzantines come over, be even nicer to them.
Convert the steppe nomads. They will be invading someone, and it would be better for the Church if they took Communion first. Should they be leaning toward hitting Christian Europe, the Pope can steer them away. If a horde goes after Islamic countries, it's all gravy. And if Europe is hit anyway, the Papacy loses little.
Set up a system of heirs. Don't wait for Most Holy to get his eternal reward before sending up smoke signals - have the College of Cardinals pick a successor immediately. Call this office "Prime Deacon" or some such, and have the College members come from all over Christendom, in order to keep other players at bay.
Boost your BL. Having lots of leaders allows you to aid your friends, convert Unbelievers, and be a pest to your enemies. Having no land can be a benefit here. To a lesser extent, work on INFRA as well, if only to be able to loan it out.
Put the Pope in the front rank - "A martyred Pope is a happy Pope" should be your motto at all times. No other leader can have quite the impact of His Holiness, even if he is a "21." Just send him with good leader. Besides, burning off heroic Popes makes for great copy. Needless to say, this is only practical if there is an heir around to "Rule."
Be as impartial, patient, and single-minded as you can. Given that players are inclined to mistrust the Papacy, signs of partiality are dangerous. Players need to understand, for instance, that while you are aiding the Spanish against the Moors, you will never aid them against the French. Of course, this does not apply in Civil Wars, where you must stay with the original player's side. However, once all is lost (entirely), let the victor know your motives for such loyalty, and a rational player will appreciate you all the more.
Learn to handle new players. Take the time to bring the new Polish or Spanish player up to speed on policies, limits, and so forth, or the newbie will just assume you are evil incarnate and sack your monasteries. This is bad.

Do You Have What It Takes To Be Pope?

In reaching this point in the article, you have, gentle reader, shown the patience and good taste required of the successful Papal player. You may also have determined that the position requires above all else the willingness to communicate with other players on a frequent basis in a soothing manner. Having email access and/or an telephone answering machine are valuable tools.
Perceptive as you are, you likely realize that this is a role best filled by an experienced player who may have a "regular" empire in another campaign. This provides an outlet for the alternately bloodthirsty and craven nature of the typical Lords of The Earth player, which has little place in the Papacy - OK, maybe once in a while. The position offers something different, a new challenge, and a way to work on interpersonal skills lacking in most gamers but valuable in Lords Of The Earth 0.
And if you are just a lonely masochist who just read this in lieu of a more worthwhile activity, then I hope it has given you an appreciation for what the Roman Catholic Church can be in Lords Of The Earth, and has in some small way relieved the sense of despair in your life.